


you are the lover of my impossible soul

by qiankuns



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: M/M, Starstruck AU, hehe
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-05
Updated: 2018-06-05
Packaged: 2019-05-18 13:04:59
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 13,173
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14853305
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/qiankuns/pseuds/qiankuns
Summary: Mark Lee is a famous singer and Donghyuck's best friend, Renjun is a member of his fan club. (Or: a markhyuck starstruck au)





	you are the lover of my impossible soul

**Author's Note:**

> hello! i rewatched starstruck and i thought it would be fun to write a markhyuck au in the universe. it's actually quite loosely based on it bcos i just couldn't make anyone the villain i also kept getting carried away oops. enjoy!!!!!

Mark Lee’s happiness exists here. It exists in the way his fingers strum the guitar strapped to his shoulder and the way the world vibrates when he leans in to sing into the mic. It’s in the crowd, how they’re dancing like no one’s watching and singing along to every word. There is joy woven in the flashing lights and him being able to let all the frustrations, worries and doubts that come with songwriting out into the stadium. He says his thank you’s and appreciations and Mark means it with his entire being of how thankful he is. As the lights come on and the curtains drop in front of him; in that one tiny second of silence he had to himself, he smiles. 

Back in his waiting room is Jeno in a t-shirt with Mark’s face plastered on it carrying a banner with tiny lions on it. His apparent boyfriend greets him with a hug and Mark almost loses himself in all this when he hears the first click. A few cameras appear and he separates from Jeno. He sighs as he goes to shut the door a little not too kindly. Jeno and him share a look. They know this all too well.

‘I’m so excited for Thursday. Everyone’s looking forward to it,’ Jeno beams. Mark is glad for a change of topic but he’s confused and it shows.

‘My birthday? You promised you’d perform at the party. Don’t tell me you forgot.’ 

‘How could I? Of course I’m excited. Sorry, I’m just still in performance mode,’ Mark gives his best smile. 

Jeno looks at him pointedly. ‘You better be there. I’m pretty sure half the people going are only there to see you.’

‘That’s not true. They’re there for the free food too.’

Mark’s laugh fills the room as Jeno playfully hits him. Mark’s happiness was here too. In the natural banter between him and Jeno. In the way he felt so comfortable and safe in Jeno’s presence. They were only dating in front of the camera’s after being told that Mark needed his image to be of one who’s committed and Jeno needed a boost for his modelling career but Mark couldn’t have asked for a better person to go through all this with.

 

-

Donghyuck’s happiness exists here. In knowing he doesn’t have to wake up to his annoying alarm or deal with the just as annoying people at his school. He stretched his arms with joy and leans back on the couch as the movie starts playing on the TV. Donghyuck’s parents were both at work, so he’d have the house all to himself until they come home every day during the summer. At least that was the plan, and apparently Renjun didn’t get the memo. His neighbour was currently at the front door with a look on his face that no angel could beat.

‘What do you want?’ Donghyuck asks even though he already knew it couldn’t be anything good.

‘You do know that you are my best friend in the entire world and I’d do absolutely anything for you!’ Renjun smiles with the power of a thousand watts.

‘Get to the point.’

‘Please let me watch your TV. Ours is broken since Sicheng decided to play frisbee indoors and I really need to watch something.’

Donghyuck sighs. ‘Fine,’ He moves aside, so Renjun who was currently sprinting towards the couch in absolute glee could enter.

Donghyuck regrets deciding to be a good person when he sees what was currently playing on his TV.

‘You come into my house where I show you only kindness and yet you disrespect me like this?’ 

Renjun rolls his eyes. ‘You’re disrespecting the entire laws of the universe everytime you pretend you hate Mark.’

‘I’m not pretending. Not like he is. He’s so evidently fake.’

‘Whatever. Shut your trap, he’s singing.’

Mark Lee’s voice fills the living room along with Renjun singing under his breath but Donghyuck who has had the most annoying classmates is an expert at blocking everything out. He goes on his phone and looks at pictures of dogs instead.

‘I’m so excited for Thursday. I really can’t wait,’ Renjun snaps Donghyuck’s attention back to the real world.

‘What’s Thursday?’

‘Don’t act dumb, there’s already a plane ticket to Seoul with your name on it. I can’t believe I’m finally meeting Chenle.’

‘Your internet friend?’

‘More like my best friend in the entire world. I’d give up Mark for him.’

‘You literally just said I was your best friend.’

Renjun shrugs. ‘I said what I said. Anyways, you better have a bag packed or I’m going to drag you empty handed all the way to the airport.’

‘You’re the size of a little lamb. Like hell you’re going to be doing any dragging.’

Renjun turns up the volume of the TV as Mark Lee starts strumming his guitar. ‘Sicheng will help me.’

Despite the frown on his face, Donghyuck was happy. He was going to travel with his best friend soon. Looking at Renjun’s legs that were resting on his lap and the happiness in his eyes, Donghyuck doesn’t know why he ever thought he wanted to be alone in the first place.

 

-

 

Mark thinks this whole situation is ironic. Jaehyun and Johnny, his managers, had told him that this acting job would be a good opportunity. That it would be bring a variety to his skill set. Mark thinks he’s a master of acting already. He has had his fair share of smiling through bad days and pretending he’s interested in things that he’s sponsored by. Heck, he’s even pretending to date someone even though he has no actual interest in Jeno.

‘Listen, we love your energy and I’m positive you can bring a whole new dynamic to the movie. All I need to do is bring your name up in the board meeting, you come in for an audition and then you’re the star of the movie!’ says the director, Kim Doyoung.

‘The thing is you’re not exactly showing a good image of yourself these days,’ Doyoung sighs as he picks up a few tabloid magazines plastered with headlines involving Mark’s name. Mark massages his forehead as a picture of an annoyed Mark from last night slamming a door stared back at him. 

‘I know you’re a good kid. I know the media can be cruel and manipulating all for clicks and hype but the producers wouldn’t want to work on something with someone who could bring bad press. You understand what I’m saying right?’ Doyoung, who has always had a soft spot for Mark asks.

Mark nods and Doyoung smiles. ‘Just stay out of the paparazzi’s faces for now. Lay low, stay home. Don’t pick up attention; good or bad. If you can do that then congratulations you’ll be hired in no time!’

‘Thank you so much, Doyoung. I promise I won’t let you down,’ Mark shakes his hand as Doyoung begins to stand. On his way out he says, ‘You could never.’

Those three words echo in Mark’s head as he fixes his hoodie in the car. Jaemin who was in the driver’s seat crosses his arms. ‘Are you sure you want to do this?’

Mark doesn’t bother looking at his best friend. He was scared that Jaemin would reason with him and Mark would let Jeno down, especially on his birthday. He was the last person to deserve that. 

‘What if you get caught? Let’s just hang out with Jaehyun and Johnny. They’re hosting that party at the company right?’

At this, Mark looks at Jaemin. ‘Since when would you rather hang out with my managers? You hate them.’

‘Hate is a strong word. I just wished they laid off your back a bit. They think they know what’s best for you but they don’t know a thing about you.’

‘And you would know what’s best for me?’

Jaemin grins. ‘You’re my best friend, I know almost everything about you but even then only you would know what’s best for you. I’m just here to guide you along the way.’

Mark almost goes to buckle his seatbelt again and ask Jaemin to drive them to a diner somewhere where they can talk about comics and find inspiration for music in the scent of waffles but he unlocks the door anyways. 

‘I’ll leave as soon as I finish performing. See you.’

 

-

 

‘Stay safe and listen to Sicheng. Take care of yourselves, okay?’ Donghyuck’s parents say as they hug him one last time at the airport. ‘You’re going to have so much fun!’

Those 7 words flash in Donghyuck’s mind at the current sight before him. Sicheng was being overly flirty towards Kun, Chenle’s brother who was turning bright red and stuttering. Renjun had jumped straight into Chenle’s arms the moment they saw each other and were currently creating noise pollution from the amount of sounds they were making together. This was so much fun.

‘W-we should probably get into the uhh- car. There’s lunch waiting for you at home, you must all be tired,’ Kun says as he leads the rest to the parking lot and stops directly in front of a tiny car in the ugliest shade of green that looked like it belonged in a museum.

‘Ignore the car. I’ve been telling him to scrap it for months but he’s too kind to this old thing,’ Chenle scoffs and leads Renjun to the backseat. 

After lunch and settling into the guestroom of Kun and Chenle’s house, Donghyuck decides he wants to take a nap. He deserved one after the long day he’s had. Just as he had shut his eyes, the door to the room bursts open. Once again, Renjun missed the memo.

‘There’s the bestest best friend in the world!’ Renjun smiles cheekily with a beaming Chenle tagging along.

Donghyuck groans. ‘What is it now?’

‘Sicheng and Kun won’t let us leave the house because they think we’re going to go see Mark.’

‘Where do you want to go?’

‘To go see Mark,’ Renjun said pointedly.

‘Kun kind of grounded me from all Mark activities after he found out I skipped school a lot last month. I still got straight A’s, so I don’t know what his problem is,’ Chenle explains. ‘Anyways, Renjun’s here and obviously we want to go see Mark together. It would be an actual crime if we didn’t.’

‘You know Sicheng lets me do anything if he knows I’m with you. Please, Hyuck. Help us out,’ Renjun pouts.

‘Why should I help? I was promised a fun holiday in Seoul but what would I gain from going stalking some random boy?’

‘Perhaps you would gain a signed Moon Taeil album.’ Chenle smirks.

‘Then perhaps you two should go put on your best Mark outfits on and let me do my talking.’

Renjun and Chenle dissolve in a fit of excited giggles as they pull Donghyuck in for a hug. He doesn’t bother pushing them away. All in the name of the his favourite vocalist.

It was easy enough for Sicheng and Kun to let the three of them off to apparently go to the cinema once they know Donghyuck would be there. Sicheng seemed a little too gleeful at the suggestion and maybe the blushing boy next to him had something to do with it.

‘Just don’t be out too late. Make sure you’re back right after the movie. Call me if anything happens,’ Kun instructs.

And that is how Donghyuck ended up waiting in the back alley of some dark venue packed with people and a long line that stretched down the block. After exiting the subway and leaving Renjun and Chenle to their business, he pulled out his phone and began scrolling through his twitter feed. He shakes his head at a selfie Renjun posted of him and Chenle being front and centre. They had also met up with another online friend of theirs named Jisung who was tall and blonde. Donghyuck finds the account that posted cute pictures of dogs and continued his routine.

 

-

 

Jeno’s happiness exists here. In a small table decked with cinnamon buns and lemonade. It’s here with his favourite people laughing and sharing random stories about him with each other. There was a smile he used while greeting people who wished him a happy birthday, random people and people he barely knew filled the venue. The company had basically made the event open and since rumours of Mark performing spreaded, the place was packed from wall to wall. Then there was a smile he uses now. Eyes brimming with happiness as the noise from outside their small table fades away and a phone showing a picture of Jeno smiling the same way when he was 6 was passed around. 

The lights dim and Mark Lee himself steps out on stage armed with his guitar. The venue fills up with noise but Mark’s voice wishing Jeno a happy birthday was loud and clear. Jeno smiles as the first notes of a song he knew well started playing. 

The first time he met Mark, Jeno was an absolute mess. He was insecure, afraid and filled with doubt. After a meeting with his manager where he broke the news of Jeno not getting yet another modelling job, he went in search of an empty room to cry in. He entered a dark practice room and crouched by the wall and let tears fall. Later, a boy enters the room filling it with light. 

‘Oh- sorr,.’ The boy was about to leave when Jeno wiped his tears. ‘No, I’m done. You can use the room.’

‘Sorry. I just wanted to use the guitar in here.’

Jeno wiped his eyes even more. ‘Go ahead. I’ll leave in a bit.’

Mark had closed the door and taken a seat on the couch and placed the guitar in his lap. Jeno observes as he aligns his fingers on the strings but never strums.

‘Seriously, don’t mind me. Play ahead.’

Mark had bit his lip and sighed. ‘It’s not you. It’s just that I’m kind of in a slump. I can’t think of anything to play.’

‘Aren’t you the one that’s going to debut soon?’ Jeno finally recognises the boy. 

Mark looks down. ‘Yeah, but I don’t think I can do it. I can’t even write songs anymore. Or at least anything good.’

Jeno frowns. ‘Dude. If you’re going to debut it’s for a reason. I’m sure this block will pass.’

Mark contemplates this as he finally strums a note. 

‘Stop pressuring yourself to write songs that will be good. That’s not how it works. Think about the reason why you started writing and playing in the first place. Go back to that place in your mind and then play,’ Jeno’s tears were far gone now.

Slowly but surely, music starts to fill the tiny practice room as Mark closes his eyes and strums. He begins to hum softly under his breath and Jeno smiles. He was watching a person at their most vulnerable state; of pure passion. Mark opens his eyes and they look dazed. He rushes for the pencil and notebook he had brought in and began scrawling as if he was in a trance. 

A few hours later, Jeno had moved to lean against the couch and watch as Mark play him a soft tune that sparkled in his ears. Mark had made up lyrics that barely made sense about couches and brown walls and sang along to the tune. He had asked Jeno to record it on his phone since Mark had left his at the dorms. Jeno still has the original recording on his laptop. He listens to it when he needs motivation. He likes to think about that day, how he had watched magic happen before his eyes by someone with so much passion in their soul. He likes to think about the day he had met a friend he knew he’d keep for his entire lifetime.

Obviously, the lyrics have been refined. They were now about finding hope in dark places and to have fun with whatever you’re doing. The crowd is excited about hearing a new song. Jeno gives him a thumbs up and Mark smiles at him. He bows to the crowd and exits the stage.

 

-

 

Renjun’s happiness exists here. Being squished by random strangers while making sure Chenle got to see the stage. It’s in the look he shares with Jisung as the lights dim and Mark Lee steps onto the stage before him. It’s seeing someone you look at everyday through a screen stand right before you. Of hearing music so beautiful float in your ear and feeling like the luckiest person ever.

There was something special about Mark Lee. That was something so cliche that it’s almost unbearable for Renjun to admit but he knows it’s the truth. In every single song, Mark creates something so safe and comfortable for everyone. There was something so raw in the sound of a live guitar and lyrics that weren’t made to be relatable but so, so real. Hearing the new song being performed on stage was surreal. There was always a twinge of magic during every first listen to any of Mark’s songs. Chenle who has a death grip on his hand sways side to side and Jisung has a smile that is soft and warm.

He swears he makes eye contact with Mark once and Renjun doesn’t feel giddy or faint. He feels safe and just right. Renjun is happy.

When Mark leaves after wishing Jeno one last time, Renjun gets pulled into a group hug by a crying Chenle.

‘That was so beautiful. Oh my god,’ Chenle says through sniffles. 

‘I wouldn’t have wanted to experience it with anyone else. That was perfect. This is perfect,’ Jisung squeezes them with his long arms.

Renjun doesn’t say anything. What could he say? That he never wanted this moment to end. He wished he could stay here with magic in the air and the buzz of joy and excitement in his veins. He just wished Donghyuck was here with him. 

 

-

Donghyuck’s phone is dying. He was currently on 20% and he was getting bored of staring at the concrete wall in front of him. He tries to call Renjun but none of his calls were being picked up. Donghyuck decides to take matters into his own hands and search for the two. He peeks at the still growing line outside of the venue and would rather die than queue. Walking past the alley he was sat at, he finds a door that was probably for backstage. He tests the door and finds it unlocked. The moment he tries to twist the knob, the door swings open and hits Donghyuck straight in the face.

‘Oh my god. Oh my god! I’m so sorry.’ The culprit panics as Donghyuck falls on his butt.

‘Shut up. You’re making the pain worse.’

‘I’m really sorry. Oh my god. I didn’t mean to, I swear.’

‘You are-’ Donghyuck looks up and meets the eyes of Mark Lee who’s eyes widen and hands go to clasp Donghyuck’s mouth.

‘Please don’t scream.’

Donghyuck rolls his eyes. ‘As if. Now get your gross hands off me before I contract germs and get a concussion.’

‘Oh my god. Do you have a concussion?’ Mark panics even more.

‘Chill. I’ve been through worse.’

‘I should take you to the hospital. Hits to the head can cause so many problems. You need to get it checked just in case.’

‘I think you’re in more pain than I am. Stop worrying your forehead, you’re going to get wrinkles.’

Mark lifts Donghyuck up to his feet. ‘Just let me take you to the hospital just in case, please.’

‘Jeez, okay,’ Donghyuck huffs as Mark swings one of his arms over his shoulders. ‘If it helps you sleep tonight.’

Leading him towards a navy blue car by the sidewalk, Mark pulls out his phone and makes a call.

‘Jaemin, I accidentally injured someone so I’m going to take him to the hospital for a check up. Will you be alright with finding a ride back?’ Mark asked. ‘Okay that’s good. No, it’s fine you don’t need to follow. Go and have fun. See you.’

Mark helps Donghyuck into the passenger seat and gets behind the steering wheel.

‘I’m Mark Lee.’ He breaks the silence.

Donghyuck scoffs. ‘I know.’

‘Wait, you do?’

‘Yeah. You’re the love of my best friend’s life.’

‘Sorry, I thought you might not have known.’

‘Why? Because I wasn’t falling on my feet for you at first sight?’

Mark sneaks a look at him and he crosses his arms tighter against his chest.

‘What’s your name?’

‘Donghyuck,’ He replies in an obvious tone as he pulls out his phone on the brink of death and sends a text to Renjun and DMs both Jisung and Chenle saying that he went home first.

‘Well, it’s nice to meet you, Donghyuck.’

‘Nice isn’t exactly the word I’d describe it as but okay.’

Mark smiles and Donghyuck’s face shifts. 

‘Oh god. I’m not feeling too good. You better step on that gas with all you have or I’m going to blow.’

 

-

 

‘It’s not a concussion. We took a look at the x-ray scans and there’s no sign of head trauma, so you’re fine,’ Mark hears from behind the curtains of the hospital bed.

‘What about the nausea?’ Donghyuck asks.

‘Probably something you ate or it could possibly be a side effect of meeting that loser over there.’ Taeyong, a doctor Mark frequently visited says in a serious tone which causes said boy to draw back the curtains with a sour face.

‘Well, we have to trust the doctor, so you’re probably right.’ Donghyuck laughs.

Mark was about to open his mouth in defense when he hears the chatter that could only belong to a group of paparazzi.

Taeyong and him share a look. ‘You better go, kid.’

‘They probably recognised the car. Can I use yours?’ Mark pleads.

‘No way in hell. I worked hard for my car, I’m not giving it away to you.’

‘Just take mine instead. Here, we can switch,’ Mark pulls out his car keys and Taeyong’s face lights up.

‘Deal,’ Taeyong beams as he exchanges his own car keys.

Mark grabs onto Donghyuck’s hand and they make their way to the elevators and escape the crowd of cameras in the waiting room. They reach the staff parking lot and Mark clicks on the car key which unlocks a sleek black car with red detailing. 

They climb into the car and Mark fist bumps the air when they make it on to the road again.

‘That was a close one.’

Before Donghyuck could make a sarcastic comment about being man-handled, Mark’s phone rings. 

‘Hello. Jaehyun? Yeah, I’m still out. Wait, you’re kidding. Oh god, I’m on my way over right now.’

After ending the call, Mark looks at Donghyuck. ‘Do you mind if we make a quick pit stop?’

‘Just take me home already. My friends are going to worry. It’s a scary world out here when you have a face this pretty.’

‘It’ll only be for a short while. I’ll take you home straight away, I promise.’

Donghyuck grumbles.

 

-

 

Donghyuck was very much nap deprived and that made him even more grumpier and sarcastic than usual. It was very much not his fault that Mark Lee was the one to get the sharp end of the stick. They arrive at an entertainment company, tall and bright in the middle of the city. Mark leads Donghyuck upstairs to a bench on the balcony overlooking what seemed like a busy party.

‘Just stay here. I’ll be back in a second.’

‘One mississipi-’ Donghyuck sarcastically starts counting.

Surprisingly, Mark laughs. ‘Just stay put.’

Donghyuck watched as Mark makes his way downstairs and combs his way effortlessly through the crowd. He checks his phone and the screen immediately turns black signalling it was dead. Great, he couldn’t entertain himself with dogs.

 

-

 

Mark meets Doyoung with his brightest smile and internally sighs in relief.

‘Hey! I didn’t know you were coming.’ 

‘I just thought I’d pop by since I was in the area. Where have you been?’ 

‘I was up in the practice rooms, uh- practicing.’

Doyoung smiles. ‘Do we get to hear some of this practice? Or is it top secret?’

Jaehyun and Johnny immediately hype the idea. ‘Go and play us something, Mark. Show your biggest fan what you’ve been working on.’

Mark is shoved towards a stool in the centre of the room and a guitar is handed to him. He hopes Donghyuck wouldn’t mind waiting just a few more seconds.

He combs his brain for a song to play and smiles when he makes his decision. He pulls the mic close to his lips and for the second time tonight, Mark melts into the music. He sings about sunny days and how the rays kiss his skin with joy. It was a light song that he had written in the middle of promotions when he missed the beach and being under the sun. Somehow, in the middle of the performance his eyes drifted up to the second floor balcony. He spots Donghyuck who was now standing against the railing and they make eye contact. Mark watches as Donghyuck’s face shifts as he listens intently. For some odd reason, he was a tiny bit glad that the boy was here and listening to him sing about the healing powers of the sun.

 

-

 

Truthfully, Donghyuck liked Mark Lee’s songs. He can admit that the other boy was very talented. Once Mark finishes up singing, there is one tiny second where the world kind of stills. Donghyuck lets the lyrics and guitar settle around him and he feels somewhat like he had been wrapped in a blanket of warmth. When Mark shows up in front of him once again, Donghyuck snaps out of it. He was tired and that tiny lapse was probably an effect of that.

‘Ready to go home?’ Mark asks and Donghyuck simply nods.

The two of them return to the car and once Mark gets on the road again, he turns on the radio. Donghyuck very well knew the song playing was one of Mark’s top hits.

‘Seriously?’ Donghyuck turns towards Mark.

‘Sorry, I don’t exactly control what plays on the radio. Do you not like my music?’

‘No, you’re music is okay. I just don’t like you.’

Mark looks genuinely confused. ‘But you don’t even know me.’

‘That’s the thing. I’m convinced you’re one big hoax.’

‘Hey, that’s not true. If you knew me maybe you’d like me.’

‘Sorry not everyone in the entire world is your fan. Not everyone’s going to kiss your feet or want to be in your car at ungodly hours after being concussed.’

‘You weren’t concussed.’

Donghyuck shrugs and stays silent.

‘I just don’t think it’s fair for you to judge me and call me fake when you don’t even know me.’

‘Well, are you not a fake?’

Mark purses his lips. He very well knew the life he was leading now in front of cameras was very much unlike himself. He thought of Jeno and the amount of smiles he had to put up in front of people. He thought of the movie and how all he wanted was just some time to rest after a long period of promotions.

‘Guess I wasn’t making bad judgement after all.’

‘Do I turn left here?’ Mark asks instead of bothering to argue. Donghyuck was right after all.

 

-

 

After Mark had dropped him off, Donghyuck went to the bathroom and put on a sleeping mask on his face and was about to head into his room when he heard a tap on the window. Naturally, his mind thought of supernatural things and he was about to pretend he didn’t hear it when the tapping became louder. He braced himself and pulled the curtains back to reveal a panicked Mark Lee who immediately fell after seeing Donghyuck’s face with the mask on.

Donghyuck rolls his eyes as he opens the window. ‘What do you want?’

‘The paparazzi followed us here. They’re waiting at the end of the road. I just need to hide the car.’

‘You are so lucky that Chenle is loaded and has an actual garage.’ Donghyuck shuts the window and goes outside, leading Mark and the car into the garage that Donghyuck learned was barely used since Kun parked his car on the porch. 

‘Are you done here?’ Donghyuck was ready to jump into bed.

‘Do you think I could stay here? I just need a sleeping bag or something or I can just sleep in the car. I really need to avoid the paparazzi.’ 

Donghyuck wasn’t totally a mean person. He looked at the clock that read 2am and saw Mark yawning and the bags under his eyes. He sighs.

‘Fine. This isn’t my house though, so you better leave first thing in the morning,’ Donghyuck instructs.

‘Great! Thank you so much. I’m so sorry for all the trouble I caused you,’ Mark smiles before yawning.

Donghyuck enters the house again and gets the extra pillow on his bed to give to Mark who was already adjusting the seat of the car, so he can lie down.

‘One last thing. Do you have something to disguise me when I leave in the morning?’

Donghyuck pulls out the bright orange bucket hat that he liked wearing from the pocket of his pants and hands it over to Mark.

‘Thank you so much,’ Mark says. ‘Goodnight.’

Donghyuck just switches the garage lights off and exits into the house. He had enough for the night. He slipped into his blankets and fell into blissful, blissful sleep. The events of the past night blurring into darkness.

 

-

 

Donghyuck wakes up to the sweet sound of Renjun and Chenle singing along to a song at the top of their lungs. It was of course a Mark Lee song. Donghyuck sits up immediately as memories from last night reconcile in his head. 

‘Hyuck! You missed out big time last night. Mark sang us a new song,’ Renjun says beaming.

‘Congratulations. I’ll be waiting for that Taeil album,’ Donghyuck rolls his eyes.

‘Thanks for ditching us by the way,’ Chenle teases.

‘I was bored and really sleepy. What took you guys so long anyways?’ 

Renjun blushes. ‘We met Mark’s boyfriend and somehow had a comprehensive conversation about art with him.’

‘Well, Renjun talked to Jeno. Jisung and I were enjoying the free food,’ Chenle grins.

‘I’m glad your night went well. I, on the other hand have to go wash this face mask off. Hopefully it got rid of all the negativity from last night.’

Donghyuck rushes to the garage once he’s out of sight and sighs in relief when he discovers no trace of any cars or Mark Lee’s. It was almost like he was never there in the first place, as if last night didn’t happen at all. Maybe, it didn’t. Maybe, fatigue and annoyance towards Mark made him conjure up an intense dream. He lets out another sigh and goes to actually wash the face mask off.

‘We were thinking about having a brunch picnic. How does that sound?’ Kun asks from the kitchen. ‘The park is usually empty at this time on weekdays. It’ll be a nice time to relax and bond.’

‘Can Jisung come too?’ Chenle asks.

‘Sure, if he wants too.’

This sounded more like the holiday Donghyuck had imagined. ‘That sounds really great.’

‘Junnie, this is Mark’s favourite park. He always gets sighted there.’ Donghyuck manages to catch Chenle whisper to Renjun.

‘You guys can have some waffles in the mean time,’ Kun says as Sicheng works the waffle maker.

‘What did I say about phones at the dining table?’ Kun warns as Chenle and Renjun were both looking intently at their screens.

‘Oh my god. Mark got caught leaving Jeno’s party with another boy,’ Renjun gasps. ‘There’s even a picture.’

‘Dude, relax. It could’ve been a friend or whatever. I don’t know why people make such a big deal about his life,’ Donghyuck says calmly even though deep inside he was panicking.

‘Hmm, you’re right,’ Chenle replies. ‘Besides, Mark would never cheat on Jeno. He’s an angel.’

‘And Jeno is one too.’ Renjun sighs.

‘Just eat your waffles,’ Sicheng says finally.

 

-

 

Donning a black cap and sunglasses, Donghyuck grins as the breeze settles on his skin. The sun peeked through the leaves of the tall trees above him and kissed his skin with warmth. The rest of the group had gone to the picnic area to set up the food but Donghyuck had stayed behind to wander on his own for a bit.

He spots a squirrel quietly hiding behind a bush and follows it as it runs down the path. Donghyuck smiles as it leads him to a more secluded area of the park. The only person near him was a boy sleeping on a park bench. A boy with a very familiar bucket hat. Donghyuck almost feels giddy. He approaches the boy and sits beside him yet there was no movement.

Donghyuck sighs aloud. ‘What a beautiful morning don’t you think so?’

The boy moves and tries to coax the bucket hat lower down his face. At this, Donghyuck laughs. ‘I love your hat by the way. The orange is spectacular. Where’d you get it?’

The hat gets lifted and a sleepy Mark Lee meets the eyes of a smiling Donghyuck.

‘Haven’t escaped the paparazzi?’ Donghyuck asks.

‘I left really early in the morning but I wanted to chill after last night’s events,’ Mark stretches. ‘Wait. How did you find me? You’re not stalking me are you?’

‘As if. I’m here for a picnic. Besides, it’s not that hard to find you. Is this not your favourite park?’

Mark grins. ‘I thought you weren’t a fan of mine.’

‘Yeah, nothing has changed. My friends are fans though and they think I need to know things like your favourite park or how you like your eggs in the morning.’

‘Yeah? And how’s that?’

Donghyuck grumbles. ‘Sunny side up.’

Mark laughs. ‘Wow. Your friends are good.’

Donghyuck stands. ‘Well, I’m going to continue my walk. Good luck on your endeavour.’ 

‘Can I join you?’ Mark purses his lip.

Donghyuck pretends to be faint. ‘Mark Lee wants to take a walk with me? I get to walk with the Mark Lee who hasn’t taken a shower and did not cleanse his face before sleeping? What did I ever to deserve such luck?’

Mark rolls his eyes as he gets to his feet. ‘Yeah, yeah.’

They walk with plenty of space between them and Donghyuck is in wonder of the flowers blooming near the paths. He breathes in fresh air and the breeze feels soft against his skin. They didn’t talk, so the sounds of nature; of leaves crinkling and birds chirping filled the air. That was until they heard a group of people talking loudly near the main fountain of the park.

‘You better be serious. We haven’t caught a sight of him all morning,’ says a deep voice.

‘Mark’s here. The car he left in last night when I tailed him is here. You’re all welcome by the way,’ says another.

Mark’s eyes widen. ‘What did you come here with?’

‘The magic school bus,’ Donghyuck replies sarcastically. ‘A car.’

‘Do you think I could borrow it?’

‘And leave the rest of us stranded here?’

‘I swear I’ll return the car after the paparazzi clear up,’ Mark says desperately.

‘Fine. Stay near where I first met you. I’ll get the keys. You owe me so much,’ Donghyuck sprints past the group of people with huge cameras and heading towards where his friends were sitting on a bright yellow mat. Renjun, Chenle and Jisung were busy taking pictures of each other posing with the scenery, so Donghyuck takes that opportunity to corner Kun.

‘I’m so sorry but there’s been an emergency. I don’t really have the time or the words to even explain what’s going on but I swear it isn’t anything bad. I just really need to borrow your car. I’ll tell you everything when we get home,’ Donghyuck say in one breath.

‘Okay, I trust you. Please stay safe and call me if anything happens,’ Kun rubs Donghyuck’s shoulders.

‘Thank you so, so, so much. I promise I’ll tell you everything later. Enjoy brunch!’

Donghyuck was never athletic but he runs with all his might towards where he had promised to meet Mark. He notes that the group of cameras were no longer near the fountain. He leads Mark to the parking lot where he presents to him the ugliest car in the history of ugly cars.

‘This almost hurts,’ Mark comments.

‘Shut up. This right here is the saviour of your life. Bow before it.’ 

‘Over my dead b-’ Mark cuts off when he spots the paparazzi nearing the parking lot. ‘Shh. Get in the car.’

They crawl towards their respective doors of the car and enters it at lightning speed. Mark switches the engine on and pulls out of the lot swiftly. From the rearview mirror, they watch as the group of cameras slowly disappear from their sight. Mark lets out a sigh. Through the silence, Mark’s voice fills up the car. Donghyuck slaps his forehead when he remembered that Renjun and Chenle were playing his CD in the morning. Mark laughs and turns the volume up. He begins singing along at the top of his lungs and Donghyuck pretends to be embarrassed. 

‘Sing with me! I bet you secretly know all the words.’

‘That is so not true,’ Donghyuck hides his smile and Mark shrugs.

Somewhere in the middle of the song, Donghyuck accidentally lets out a tiny hum and Mark’s face brightens up as his smile stretched across his face. Something in Donghyuck flutters and he just lets go. He sings along with Mark and the other boy’s voice wavers a bit from laughing. 

‘Don’t flatter yourself. Renjun listens to your music 24/7. It’s been implanted in my head against my will,’ Donghyuck says after the song ends.

Mark just grins. ‘Mhhm. Whatever makes you feel better.’

‘Ugh. Take me back right now.’

The sound of Donghyuck’s stomach rumbling cuts the air and he curses under his breath. 

‘First, we have to deal with that.’ Mark says and makes a right.

 

-

 

Still wearing the ridiculous bucket hat, Mark settles down in a booth in a sushi place he’s been meaning to try. Donghyuck’s face almost looks pained as he scans the menu. The waitress takes their order and the two boys meet each other’s eyes. Mark’s heart felt so settled. He hasn’t felt like this in a while. As if nothing could touch the two of them right now. 

‘Are you not from Seoul?’ Mark asks.

‘Nope. I live in Jeju. I’m on here on holiday with my best friend and his brother.’ 

‘Same. I mean I’m working but I’m from Canada.’

‘I know.’

At that Mark flashes a grin and Donghyuck covers his face with his hands. ‘It’s really not my fault the world knows everything about you.’

‘They really don’t.’ Mark says quietly. Donghyuck looks up and frowns.

‘So I was right?’

‘That I’m one big fake? Partly. I mean I write my own songs and I genuinely love all of my fans but there are other things,’ Mark points toward the posters of Jeno and him posing with a brand of carbonated water by the counter. ‘That drink tastes like watered down fruit juice. I hate it but I just have to keep sipping on it and saying I love it without wincing.’

Donghyuck laughs. Mark watches this unfold before him and something kind of clicks. There is a lightness he feels and something so, so special about this. 

‘And there are other things,’ He confesses.

‘Let me guess. You hate getting free stuff like branded shoes and brand new phones.’

Mark smiles. ‘They’re the worst.’

‘You aren’t actually close to any of the celebrities people keep saying you’re best friends with. They actually use you for exposure.’ 

Mark’s eyebrows furrow. ‘How do you-’

‘You love your fans to death but you wished they knew their boundaries and respected your personal space and privacy,’ Donghyuck continues. ‘You like your managers and your company but you wished they let you breathe once in awhile.’

‘And you’re not really dating Lee Jeno. It’s a fake relationship to help both your images.’

Mark opens his mouth to say something but shuts it again.

‘I’m right, aren’t I?’ Donghyuck says as he sips on his green tea. ‘My wide experience in fanfiction has taught me a lot.’

No one has ever said those things so straightforward to him like that. Sure, Jaemin hints at it once in a while but Mark was so used to these things that he just pushes his wants and feelings aside for the sake of being the star he is. He thinks of the many rumours and false facts about him. Of how his stomach turned when people said they envied him. When did he let it get this far?

‘Enough about me. Tell me about you. Who are your music influencers?’ Mark finally says and Donghyuck smiles. They talk and Mark learns that Donghyuck was good at gardening and that he had two dogs he walked on the beach every morning. That Donghyuck was really good at making fried rice and is a mama’s boy and that he’d do anything for his best friends. Mark tells him about how he loves dancing and that Jeno and him secretly feed the cats outside the company building all the time. That Mark loves watermelon juice and how he misses the winter in Canada.

Time passes by without them knowing and Mark wished he was good enough with words to tell Donghyuck how he never wants to leave this bubble they’ve created where he feels safe and comfortable. He can feel the devastation of returning to the real world where paparazzi awaited him and Donghyuck was to leave in 2 days. He wishes for time to stand still, for him and Donghyuck to stay here in a booth at the back of a sushi restaurant laughing about nothing and feeling so light.

Instead Mark says, ‘We should probably get you back to your friends.’

Donghyuck pauses almost as if he only realised that they couldn’t stay here forever. ‘You’re right.’

 

-

 

‘You know, you’re not so bad after all, Mark Lee,’ Donghyuck says as the car cruises down the highway. This wasn’t a brand new discovery. Maybe he had known since he got his head hit that Mark wasn’t the most terrible person ever. Maybe even before then. There was just this thing he does when he knows something is to good to be true. He avoids it and tries to hate it, so that it’ll pass and Donghyuck never had to deal with rejection or failure or not being good enough. Truthfully, Donghyuck had watched Mark’s covers back when he was introduced as a trainee. He had watched the videos he had been in where he had talked about music and the amount of love he had for it. The videos where Mark had failed to make his favourite sunny side up eggs and charred the pan. He’s always known how great Mark was as a person but he just couldn’t accept the fact that someone as special as he was really existed.

‘You’re not so bad yourself,’ Mark grins.

Donghyuck watches Mark with his easy smile and a relaxed look on his face. How he glowed under the sun and was turning the steering wheel with ease. He sighs. He knows this is where it ends. That he was only one tiny little getaway for Mark and after this he’d return to his life and Donghyuck would be a memory saved for a rainy day.

‘Oh no. Are you kidding me?’ Mark says frustrated. 

Nearing the general area of the park, Donghyuck checks the rearview mirror and spots one large black van that obviously belonged to the paparazzi. 

‘We were doing so good.’ Donghyuck pulls at his hair. 

Mark creates some distance between the car and van and after a sharp bend on the road which led to an intersection, Mark swerved to the left. Donghyuck watches from the distance as the van travelled straight ahead. 

‘That was close.’ 

‘The odds are in our favour,’ said Mark a little too quickly.

Looking at the muddy trail they are currently on with no sign of any other life besides them, Donghyuck had a bad feeling about this. ‘I wouldn’t be so sure about that.’

‘Oh, come on. What’s a little dirt going to do to us, Hyuck?’

Hyuck. Donghyuck felt his heart rise up to his throat and he swallows it down. ‘Don’t call me that. Only my friends can.’

‘Are you saying I’m not your friend?’

‘Obviously, not. Think about our situation, we’re just people who keep being in the wrong spot at the wrong time.’

‘What if it’s the opposite? What if we’re people who keep being in the right place at the right time?’

‘Yeah right. Did you learn that in your acting class?’ Donghyuck rolls his eyes.

Mark’s eyebrows lift. ‘Wait. Are you seriously thinking I can’t be a genuine person to you?’

‘You obviously can’t have bad press about you. I’m not a fan of you and if I spread bad things about you it’s not going to be good. So, you’re taking it in your hands to woo me into your fan club.’

‘Do you actually think that? Were we at the same lunch? I’m pretty sure I wasn’t there for any of that. I thought we were getting along? Why are you suddenly picking a fight?’ Mark’s confusion bleeds into his voice.

‘Whatever. Don’t get so riled up, you’re going to get wrinkles. We can’t let that happen. Save your energy for smiling in front of cameras and greeting people in suits later. Don’t waste it on me.’

‘Oh my god. You really think that low of me, huh? Who are you to even say what’s real about me and what isn’t? Who are you to tell me how I should be spending my time or how I should be feeling?’ 

‘Sorry, can we put that on hold. Why is the car not moving?’ Donghyuck asks looking out the window.

Mark looks out his and steps on the gas. Nothing happens except a loud splutter sound is heard. The car suddenly sinks down and both Mark and Donghyuck let out screams differing in pitch. Mark winds the windows down and takes a better look outside. He spots the pool of mud that they were currently in and curses. The car gradually sinks a bit more and Donghyuck grunts as he lifts himself out of the window onto the roof. Mark follows and they look each other on top a currently sinking car in the middle of a large pool of mud.

‘Oh my god. You’re an absolute idiot,’ Donghyuck says in a passive aggressive tone. ‘How did you not see a pool of mud?’

‘I was too focused on the argument that you started.’ Mark snapped back.

‘I think it’s common sense for a driver to focus on the road when he’s driving.’ 

‘Why are you so mad about this?’ Mark asks as he watches Donghyuck search around for a way to exit.

‘I don’t know, Mark. Maybe, because our car is currently sinking and we might have no way out. What do you think?’

‘Let’s just jump,’ Mark suggests. ‘Look, there’s a huge branch over there. We can get to it.’

‘In no way am I jumping.’

‘I’ll go first.’ Mark suggests as he makes his way to the back of the car and stretches his legs out to find a sturdy spot on the branch. He balances on top of it and puts out his hand.

‘Come on, Hyuck.’

Donghyuck looks him straight in the eyes and lets out a soft sigh. He clutches Mark’s hand and tries to balance beside him. The keyword here being tries. Donghyuck splashes into the mud and shortly after so does Mark. The two of them grasp onto the branch and pulls themselves up. They watch in disbelief as the car sinks completely into the mud.

‘That wasn’t even my car,’ Donghyuck says softly. ‘You actually killed Kun’s car.’

Mark looks around and spots a forest nearby that looked very familiar to the trees around the park. This was probably the outskirts of it.

‘Well, I’m leaving. See you never,’ Donghyuck begins walking the opposite direction.

‘Hyuck. The park is that way.’

Donghyuck freezes and turns around, stomping past Mark towards the trees he was pointing at. Mark watches as Donghyuck rubs his left arm gingerly.

‘Did you get hurt?’

‘Why do you suddenly care?’ Donghyuck stops rubbing and tries to walk a little bit faster.

‘I’ve always cared.’

‘Another acting class highlight?’

Mark picks up his speed and catches up to Donghyuck. ‘I don’t understand why you’re being so grumpy.’

‘I’m not being grumpy. I think I’m just reacting the way a normal person would after their car just sunk and they got plunked into a pool of mud.’

‘The plonking part was all your doing,’ Mark says but in a lighter tone, almost smiling.

Donghyuck looks at him. ‘Are you seriously enjoying this right now? You had to sleep in a random person’s garage, get chased around by random people who invade your privacy and now you’re covered in mud from head to toe and you’re smiling?’

Mark nods. ‘I’m having fun. For the first time in a very long time, my entire day went unplanned and I got to finally try the sushi place, relax at the park and get to know a really nice and cute boy.’

Donghyuck pauses in his steps as he watches Mark’s face light up in a blush. ‘My face is all coated with mud and I’ve been nothing but rude to you but you still think I’m nice and cute?’

‘I don’t think even acting classes could make me pretend that,’ Mark jokes. ‘I don’t even think those acting classes would help me get through the actual movie.’

‘You think so?’ Donghyuck tries to change the subject from the topic of him being nice and cute to someone like Mark. That was too much for him to process right now.

‘I don’t really want to do the movie anyway. Johnny and Jaehyun are great managers who think this is the best for me. Besides, I’m lucky enough to be given a good opportunity, so I guess I have to do it anyways.’

‘What do you want to do?’

He thinks for a while as if he never gave himself the time to actually think about the things he wanted to do. ‘I’d want to go to the beach with Jaemin and Jeno. I’d want to dance more. I want to learn a new instrument maybe the piano? I want to have a day where my body wakes me up at 6am but I feel peaceful because I know I can sleep in since my entire day is free. I want to try fresh oysters and walk around the city without being worried about people watching me. That would be really nice,’ Mark smiles sadly. ‘I love being an artist. I love my fans and I’d do anything for them but sometimes I truly feel like I’m losing a big part of me and I’m terrified.’

Donghyuck frowns. ‘Maybe I don’t actually understand your life. All the cameras pointed to your face and your life being put out on show for the public. You were right. Who am I to say I know what’s real or not about you.’

‘Well, you got to spend time with the real Mark today. The boring, uninteresting, bad at driving and sensitive Mark Lee,’ Mark slumps his shoulders. ‘What do you think?’

‘I think you’re one hell of an amazing person. You have this wonderful way of telling stories and you are so, so interesting. And maybe just maybe you’re nice and cute too,’ Donghyuck answers truthfully. ‘I’m sorry I tried to pick a fight with you. I just didn’t think today would matter to you tomorrow. You just seemed too genuine and kind and I was scared of getting attached, so I wanted to create distance.’

Mark’s hand reaches over to rest over Donghyuck’s. Their fingers automatically intertwine. ‘Today has been one heck of a day hasn’t it?’

They smile together and there is so much kindness and honesty in Mark’s eyes that Donghyuck let’s himself melt and melt and melt.

 

-

 

As they return on the park’s walking paths and see the main fountain nearing, it almost seemed unreal. Mark will have a full schedule for the rest of the week and Donghyuck was already leaving in two days. How could Donghyuck let go of Mark’s hand knowing this?

Turns out he didn’t have to. A crowd of people with big cameras and giggling girls were waiting beyond the fountain. Mark separates their hands.

‘You know what’s supposed to happen now,’ Mark says as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.

Donghyuck doesn’t know what’s supposed to happen.

‘You can’t tell anyone about what happened today. Not even your friends. This can’t get out at all.’

‘Permission to write into my journal? I’ll write it in morse code just for you.’

At the look on Mark’s face, Donghyuck feels as if he’s been zapped. ‘Wait. What exactly are you saying here?’

‘If we get seen together, things will be bad.’

‘What’s so bad about being seen with me?’

‘I’m Mark Lee. You’re-’

‘I’m just an ordinary person you’re embarrassed of. I’m so sorry I’m not some top model or a person of any significance. Sorry to have wasted your day. It must’ve sucked big time for you. Do you have some kind of sick charity quota you have to fill everyday? Well, I’m going now. Have fun with your life,’ Donghyuck snaps and sprints away from Mark before the tears could fall. 

‘Donghyuck! Wh-’ Mark tries to call out but that caught the attention of the crowd who then swarmed towards him in a frenzy. Donghyuck runs with all his might in the opposite direction and his heart breaks with every step. He knew this was all too good to be true. He knew he shouldn’t have let himself get attached. Maybe Donghyuck hadn’t really hated Mark Lee back then but he sure did now. He reaches the picnic site and spots his friends lying on the picnic mats pointing out cloud shapes. The sound of his panting catches the attention of Renjun who stands up immediately.

‘Oh, Hyuck.’ he says as he scoops him into his arms. At the feeling of this tight and secure hug and the genuine warmth he feels from Renjun, Donghyuck lets himself cry and cry and cry.

 

-

 

‘I’m so sorry about the car. I’ll get a job when I get back and pay you back. I’m really so sorry,’ Donghyuck apologises once he finally regains the ability to speak without breaking into tears all over again. ‘I’m so sorry I made you all wait and ruin a good day.’

‘Shh. It’s okay. No one is mad at you. We all love you and it’s all okay,’ Renjun comforts him and lets Donghyuck rest against his shoulder. Chenle pats his hair. Jisung holds his other hand.

No one asks any questions about what happened but it was pretty obvious. Paparazzi had taken photos of him fleeing from Mark and made up some joke of a rumour that Donghyuck was a secret lover. Even Renjun and Chenle didn’t mention the photos that were so clearly of Donghyuck. They just covered him in blankets, switched the TV channel to some fermentation documentary and together they ate their weight in ice cream. 

Donghyuck wakes up later that night still wrapped in blankets with Renjun, Chenle and Jisung all asleep on the other end of the couch. He hears the sound of a spoon being stirred in a mug and finds Kun sitting at the dining table. Seeing that Donghyuck was awake, he set his mug down and makes his way over to sit on the rocking chair facing the sofa.

‘You don’t have to get a job later. Enjoy your summer, okay? Don’t worry about the car. I really have been meaning to get rid of it for a while now. She’s lived the best of her life,’ Kun says softly trying not to wake the others. Donghyuck almost cries again.

‘You don’t owe me an explanation either. Just know that I’m here and so is Sicheng and your friends. We all care about you so, so much. If you ever want to talk about it or cry or need a distraction we are all here for you,’ Kun’s words wrap Donghyuck in warmth and comfort. He nods and Kun stands up.

‘Boys can be pretty dumb, huh?’ he ruffles Donghyuck’s hair and makes his way upstairs to his room.

‘He’s right,’ Renjun says from underneath a pillow. ‘About us being here for you. And about the boys being dumb thing.’

Donghyuck takes in a deep breath and spills everything about the past 24 hours into the dark living room as Renjun squeezes his hands and listens. With that, he lets go of the past day and he lets go of Mark.

 

-

 

‘I think this is the opposite of what I asked you to do. I think that getting rumours spread about you cheating and of a secret lover is the furthest thing from laying low and not getting any press,’ Doyoung says as he paces the meeting room in front of a desk of different printed articles.

Mark stays silent. He hasn’t really had much to say after being rescued from the paparazzi at the park by Jaemin who drove him home and let him nap for hours. After a shower, Jaemin handed him a bowl of hot soup and listened as Mark went on and on about how stupid he was.

‘Wow. You’re in deep, my friend,’ was all Jaemin had to say.

‘In trouble or in like?’ Mark had asked. 

‘Both.’

‘But this can all be reversed,’ Doyoung’s loud voice snapped Mark back to the present moment. ‘You can clear your name. We’ll have a press conference and you can release a statement saying that this boy had merely been a stalker who wouldn’t leave you alone. He left crying after you finally said you’d report him to authorities.’ 

Mark catches sight of a picture of Donghyuck’s face, so raw with sadness and hurt. He looks away when he remembers he had caused that. ‘So you want me to lie?’

‘I’m asking you to act. In front of the press and then for the movie. What do you want?’ Doyoung faces him.

He thinks of the answers he gave Donghyuck when he had asked the same question yesterday. Instead he says, ‘I’ll do it.’

Later, after sitting in front a group of people with cameras all pointed at him with mics equipped he lets the flashes hurt his eyes, lets the noise overwhelm him, so he didn’t have to hear himself say this.

‘The rumours are all false. This boy had been stalking me since I left Jeno’s party. He’s not a lover or anyone special to me. He’d been following me around acting desperate until I finally threatened to report him. That’s when he had run away and left me alone.’

After the press, Mark meets with Jeno and Jaemin who both look at him with an unbelievable look on their faces.

‘I thought you said you couldn’t act,’ Jeno said. ‘Maybe you’re suited for it after all.’

‘Are we done here? I need to go over my lines. I have the first shoot in a few days.’

‘I know I’m done here,’ Jaemin says standing up. ‘Let’s go, Jeno.’

‘Where are you guys going?’ Mark asks.

‘I’m going to look for my best friend because I know he’s definitely not in this room right now.’ 

‘This has always been me.’

‘The boy with the guitar in the practice room that night is not you right now. You very well know that,’ Jeno replies and with that Mark is left alone for the second time.

 

-

 

Donghyuck is over it. Or at least he is trying to be. He tries to be rational and think about how he’s only known Mark for less than 24 hours and he shouldn’t have to feel so deeply wounded by it all. He got tired trying to tell himself how to feel because he had felt what he felt. Trying to lie to himself that his heart was never broken, when he knew very well that it was in pieces was wearing him out. The last day in Seoul, he went around the city by himself. He visited busy streets and hidden stores with welcoming dogs. He climbed a long flight of stairs and watched the city splay out in front of him. Donghyuck watched as the world still continues moving regardless of the hurt he’s felt. He finds peace in that and goes home.

Kun and Sicheng had prepared a big dinner with a big pot of his favourite soup. Renjun, Chenle and Jisung had baked a bunch of cupcakes and after dinner all of them join in the kitchen to frost the batch. They ended up with food colouring all over their hands, frosting on their clothes and smiles on their faces. 

Saying goodbye was rather hard and maybe one or two tears were shed as Donghyuck watched Chenle and Kun waving from the other side of the gate. The trip to Seoul hadn’t gone the way he had planned but the company he had made everything worth it. At home, Donghyuck finishes up his summer reading and listens to the signed Moon Taeil album on replay. He wakes up earlier to watch the sunrise from the garden and spens his afternoon either at the beach or in Renjun’s room playing Uno until the sky went dark. 

Donghyuck also had to deal with the reporters that had found his address and spent every waking minute trying to get a word out of him. The first few days he had ignored all of them and pretended there wasn’t a group of people shoving microphones to his face asking for his side of the story. He’d hide at the community pool and float on his back in the cool water watching the clouds move. Then it got too much. They started finding him at the beach and leaving Renjun’s house and the one thing Donghyuck wanted was to leave this whole thing in the past but these reporters reminding him of it daily was opening his wounds again.

‘What do you want from me? The truth? Here’s the truth,’ Donghyuck snaps as he slams his bike on his lawn at the sight of his parents trying to get them to leave their property. 

The reporters stay silent for a second then all turned to point their mics and cameras towards Donghyuck. ‘There is no story. The Mark Lee that you all know and love? I don’t know who he is. I’ve never met him in my life and frankly I don’t ever want to. I hope that’ll give you something to post tomorrow, now will you stop bothering me?’

He is met by a dozen questions from everyone all at once as he makes his way through the crowd and into his house where his parents frown at him. They look ready to scoop him into a hug and bracing themselves for a breakdown but instead Donghyuck smiles. ‘Don’t worry. I’m okay.’

 

-

 

‘There is no story. The Mark Lee that you all know and love? I don’t know who he is. I’ve never met him in my life and frankly I don’t ever want to.’ 

Jeno turns the TV off and turns to Mark. He felt like he was being investigated for a crime from the way Jeno and Jaemin were looking at him from across the room.

‘Wow. You’ve really done it. You got someone to lie for you,’ Jaemin says clapping. ‘Congratulations.’

‘Can you guys stop trying to make me feel bad? He obviously lied on his own terms. He looks fine. He’s moved on and so have I. Can’t we leave this all behind?’ Mark pretends to be busy on his phone.

‘You’ve moved on really? You’re trying to tell me that the same Mark who cried for a whole week after I accidentally scratched his Justin Bieber CD has moved on that fast? You’ve just been trying to keep yourself busy with your script and practicing music to avoid thinking about him. Tell me I’m wrong,’ Jeno challenges.

‘You’re barely getting any sleep trying to go over your lines and doubting your acting. This isn’t what you want.’ Jaemin continues.

‘Why does everyone keep telling me what I’m supposed to feel and what I want. What’s the big deal about Donghyuck? I met him for less than a day and he spent half of our time hating me. What if I really want to act? What if I’m just being professional about using my time to go over my lines? Stop trying to put meaning behind things that don’t have any.’

‘You should stop trying to erase meaning behind things that are important to you,’ Jaemin sighs defeatedly. ‘If you don’t want to act, don’t. If you want to be with Donghyuck, be with him. If you want to be stubborn and live in regret and drive yourself crazy overthinking, then by all means go ahead.’

 

-

 

‘Renjun, guess who just baked about three villages worth of cookies?’ Donghyuck coos as he enters Renjun’s living room carrying a tray filled with cookies. ‘You and Sicheng really lucked out in the neighbour department.’

Renjun fumbles with the TV remote and looked panicked on the couch.

‘Hey, you got your TV fixed!’ Donghyuck says after setting down the cookies and heading over to the couch. Donghyuck notices his best friend’s odd behaviour.

‘What’s wrong? Don’t let me interrupt your TV time.’

‘I was just-’

Donghyuck sighs. ‘I know Mark’s showcase is being streamed today. It’s not a crime to watch it, Junnie.’

‘Oh, Donghyuck,’ Renjun says. ‘He is so not over you.’

 

-

 

‘You are so not over him,’ Jeno shakes his head after Mark leaves the stage and hunts for a water bottle.

Mark rolls his eyes. ‘And where did you get that information from?’

‘When you’re on stage, it’s almost like you’re in a sacred place. You’re calm, happy and so peaceful,’ Jeno explains. ‘Tonight you stood on stage like a robot.’

Mark lets out a shaky breath and Jeno holds onto his shoulders. ‘What have I done?’

 

-

 

‘Please, Hyuck. I’ll paint your nails and you can finally wear that pretty red coat you bought,’ Renjun pleads.

‘We don’t even have dates for the dance,’ Donghyuck replies uninterested from behind his phone screen.

‘Who says we need to have dates to have fun?’ Renjun huffs. ‘You love dancing. Tonight will all be about dancing. Plus there’ll be a karaoke stage. It’ll be so much fun.’

‘You have made some reasonable points,’ Donghyuck smiles. ‘Let’s show our school what talent in the purest form looks like.’

They put on face masks and watched Teen Beach Movie while eating the cookies that were still leftover from Donghyuck’s manic baking. Renjun pulls out his nail polish and somehow Sicheng gets dragged into getting his nails painted as well. Donghyuck puts on his playlist and they dance around the room until they’re out of breath. Renjun and Donghyuck put on their outfits and go down the apartment stairs pretending they’re descending a spiral staircase. Sicheng takes a hundred pictures of the two of them striking multiple poses. Renjun in his glittery tuxedo and Donghyuck in his bright red coat over a button down. They ride the bus and the old ladies in the back compliment on how they look. Donghyuck’s cheeks ache a bit and he realises he hasn’t stopped smiling.

 

-

Mark starts his morning with a visit to Doyoung’s office. He sets his script onto his desk and bows his head. ‘Thank you so much for your constant support and trust in me. I’m not doing the movie anymore. I hope you get to cast someone who truly wants this role. I’m sorry to let you down.’

Mark expects shouting or hours of refusal but instead Doyoung smiles. ‘I’m a bit sad not to be working with you anymore but there’ll be other opportunities. You haven’t let me down. I’m glad you’re following your heart.’

Jaemin smiles at him in the car as they head for their second destination. 

‘What are you so happy about?’ Mark asks.

‘My best friend is back.’

Mark grins and he almost forgets about how tired he was after crying into Jeno and Jaemin’s arms last night. He almost forgets his worries about what he’s going to be doing next.

‘Johnny and Jaehyun, you’ve been really good managers to me. I know you were always thinking of how to better myself as an artist and to get good exposure, so there are no hard feelings,’ Mark plays with his hands. ‘I really hope you don’t take this the wrong way but after thinking about it a lot I think the best option for my well-being is to have a new person manage me.’

Johnny frowns. ‘I’m so sorry if I’ve ever-’

‘It’s fine. Maybe you weren’t suited to be my managers but maybe we can try as friends? I still want to play video games at home with you two.’

Jaehyun smiles. ‘That sounds good.’

The three of them join in a tight hug and Mark feels so much relief.

‘I’d like to meet this new manager of yours,’ Jaehyun looks around.

‘You’re looking right at him.’ Jaemin smirks.

The rest of Mark’s day was spent visiting fancy stores to buy an outfit that Jeno claims makes him ten times more charming. He just buys whatever Jeno suggests. His mind didn’t really have the capacity to worry about how he’d look, he’s too busy thinking about Donghyuck’s face and how it’d look when Mark apologises.

They land in Jeju and Mark’s nerves disappear as he stands on the beach with Jaemin and Jeno. They spend an hour dipping their feet in the blue waters, running from waves and making sand castles. Even if Donghyuck rejected his apology, Mark felt comforted by the salty breeze and the peace created with his friends here.

 

-

 

‘It’s karaoke time, baby!’ Donghyuck races to the side of the small stage set up in the gym of their school. After dancing for a whole hour, the line for karaoke had finally dwindled down. ‘Renjun, what should we sing?’

‘Oh no, the stage is all yours. Go show us all what you’re all about.’

‘Are you sure? We can do the Taeil and Yuta duet.’ 

‘I know your ultimate karaoke song that you’ve been dying to do,’ Renjun passes the microphone to Donghyuck. ‘Sing your little heart out.’

Donghyuck steps out on stage and lets a small smile play on his face as the first notes to Tende, his go-to singing in the shower song. It was one of his favourite Taeil songs and he sends a silent thank you to Renjun for picking the song.

‘It’s strange. Even after a long time, my heart keeps replaying that day,’ Donghyuck watches as the crowd in front of him start slow dancing. The few people alone watched him in wonder. ‘When I close my eyes, my memories take me to the place again.’

‘I should definitely tell you today but I can’t make a sound,’ a voice from beside him sings. Donghyuck feels happy to have Renjun join him but as he turned to the other side of the stage, his voice falters.

‘I try to hold out my hand to touch you but I can’t,’ sings Mark Lee with windswept hair in a dashing black suit that steals the breath away from Donghyuck. 

‘I endlessly practiced these words. I still love you. But in the end, I couldn’t say it,’ Mark looks him in the eye and Donghyuck almost drops his mic. He should storm off the stage, he should slap Mark in the face but his anger subsides at how quiet Mark’s voice is as he sings, ‘I shouldn’t let you go.’

In no way is Mark Lee going to steal Donghyuck’s karaoke time. This was his favourite song and he would not let him take this away from him. He holds on to his mic, ‘I should definitely stop today but I can’t avoid your eyes. I try to turn around and run away but I can’t,’ he sings to the crowd who were slowly starting to notice what was happening on stage and pulling away from their dance. ‘I endlessly told myself let’s stop this now but in the end I can’t stop. I shouldn’t let you go.’

Donghyuck turns and sings straight into Mark’s eyes. ‘This nightmare. This memory. Even it tortures me. Even if it keeps repeating. I’m going back to this dream where I can meet you.’

As the music quiets down, Donghyuck doesn’t notice the crowd of people snapping pictures of the two of them, of hushed whispers in excitement, he can only see Mark. He can see the apology written on his face and how his hands were gripping the mic tightly and how when he sings it’s with so much raw honesty that Donghyuck almost feels faint.

‘At least for today, I can’t just go. I’m stopping time, I’m turning back the memories,’ Mark’s voice rings out in the small gym. ‘I endlessly dreamed of you saying let’s start again. In the end, if you say that to me. I would live in this dream.’

Donghyuck drops his mic and a loud screeching interrupts the song. 

‘Oh yeah,’ Mark almost whispers into the mic. ‘I wouldn’t wake up.’

The song ends and the school gym is alive with buzzing from the students who are in absolute awe at Mark Lee being at their dance. Donghyuck can’t handle this. He wasn’t prepared for this. For Mark’s apology, for seeing Mark again and for seeing Mark look this sincere and beautiful.

He runs off the small stage in search of Renjun as his heart stays lodged up in his throat. He finds Renjun with two very familiar boys.

‘Renjun, can we go home. Please-’

‘Hi, Donghyuck. It’s nice to meet you, I’m Jeno,’ the boy next to him smiles. ‘I would really like to dance with your friend here, so I’d really appreciate if you don’t whisk him away.’

‘Renjun. What’s going on?’ Donghyuck feels as if he couldn’t breathe. 

‘Mark can be a bit of a fool. Especially when it comes to the things that mean a lot to him,’ Jaemin says. ‘But if you’re into foolish boys, there’s one moping by the side of the stage there. I hear he likes you a lot.’

Donghyuck breathes in and out. Renjun pulls him into a hug. ‘If you want to go home, I’ll bring you back right now. We can bake all night and I’ll even let you braid my hair.’

Donghyuck laughs shakily and with that he lets go of all his confusion, his anger and his hurt. He shakes his head. ‘I need to go deal with this boy who dared to interrupt me on my karaoke stage.’

Renjun smiles as Donghyuck makes his way over to the boy who was currently taking pictures with his schoolmates and looking like he was close to bursting into tears.

‘Can I get a picture too?’ Donghyuck says over the crowd. ‘I want to forever remember the face of the person who thought he could just barge on stage and sing with me.’

Mark looks up and the crowd parts for the two of them. ‘Donghyuck-’

Donghyuck looks into his eyes and he can see everything in them. He can see the relief, the worry, the pain, the wonder. He just smiles and wraps the taller boy into a tight hug. It feels like finally. It feels like breathing after swimming to the bottom of the pool and you surface up again. It feels like finally remembering the word you were trying to think of two hours ago. It feels so, so nice.

‘I know,’ Donghyuck whispers. ‘I’m sorry too. I miss you too and I like you a lot.’

‘Why didn’t you say too for the last one?’ Mark finally speaks as they part.

‘Wasn’t sure if you would like a creepy stalker who follows you everywhere.’

Mark rolls his eyes. ‘Hey, you said you didn’t know me.’

‘Shut up and dance with me.’

 

-

 

Mark’s happiness exists here. It’s in the way Donghyuck guides him on the dance floor and whines when Mark steps on his loafers. (‘They’re new. I just polished them, you big fool.’) It’s in the way the two of them smile at Jeno and Renjun dancing in their own world. It’s here with Jaemin who pretends to sulk at being alone and here in a small cramped gym as they all dance to a Mark Lee song in the centre of the dance floor.

Donghyuck’s happiness exists here. It’s in Mark blushing as Donghyuck plays with his hair on the bus. It’s in the way all of their giggles fill Renjun’s bedroom as they drink too much apple juice and laugh at Jaemin losing in Mario Kart to Sicheng. It’s here in the dark as everyone is fast asleep except for Mark and Donghyuck. Donghyuck pokes his nose and Mark traces the moles on the other boy’s face. 

‘Stop looking at me like that.’ 

‘Like what?’ Mark asks groggily.

‘Like you’re starstruck.’

‘I am,’ Mark smiles sleepily. 

Donghyuck removes himself from Mark’s grip jokingly. ‘I can’t believe I have a crush on the world’s biggest sap.’

‘You love it though,’ Mark grins as he opens his arms towards Donghyuck again.

‘Don’t get too ahead of yourself.’ Donghyuck says but he still goes straight into Mark’s embrace. A pillow gets thrown in their direction.

‘We get it. You two had a tragic story and are finally reunited by the power of the cosmos,’ Renjun groans. ‘But some of us would really like to sleep, thank you.’

Mark and Donghyuck dissolve into giggles and just like that everything was alright again.

**Author's Note:**

> thank u so much for reading!!!! yes i used tende because i realised it fit the story.. also yes the title is another sufjan song, impossible soul which i listened to a lot writing this. Also, if anyone is wondering about my other dream fic i promise i'll finish that soon, I just was in a slump and wanted to write something fun hehe... Anyways!!! i hope you enjoyed that :) talk to me abt starstruck, nct or sufjan on twt @kunstellation <3


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